It was a stunning day.
Calm like a dead planet.
People everywhere
Zipping on scooters, sipping coffee,
feeling good, or at least looking it.
I guess I looked happy too.
Walking confidently…
the kind of confidence you get from walking faster than everyone else.
The kind that keeps pace with intrusive thoughts
like…
what if I stepped behind that backing truck,
just another tragic accident
on a beautiful day.
Was anyone noticing?
Maybe they thought I was a silver fox.
Too many filters. Swipe left.
Probably owns shares in Nvidia.
Probably calls trans women they
and thinks that’s progressive.
Maybe I looked important.
Best not to talk to me.
People like me can smell the LinkedIn on you.
At work, I’m fine.
Organised. Together.
Faking it in high resolution,
quietly praying no one gives me responsibility.
I keep moving.
Say the right things in the right order.
Smile in the elevator.
Reply-all with confidence.
Keep it light. Keep it moving.
I told them I had a girlfriend.
Much younger. Hot. (But didn’t say that.)
You’ve never seen her, and you won’t.
She exists just enough
to close the subject.
And the loneliness…
it’s not cinematic.
It’s not crying in the shower
or drinking in the dark.
It’s answering “not bad, thanks”
before I’ve even thought about the question.
It’s standing in a room
full of people who know my name.
I can’t remember theirs.
But yeah…
it was a stunning day 😊.